If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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