I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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