I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize