We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
