Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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