I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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