Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
