I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
