all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
