i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
