i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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