dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
