Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
