Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
