i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
