he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
