We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
