I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
