Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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