dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
