Nicole vs. Life
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The air was thick with penises
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
