I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
