Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I wear drunk well.
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