Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
