Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just had sex bonerless
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Found your dick twin last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
