My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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