Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
