It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
