if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Welp...herpes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
