This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was like eating out sand paper
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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