I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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