Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
