So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
