I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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