I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize