Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
