So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
