Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize