come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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