that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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