shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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