drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
