if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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