My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
