She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
