i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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