My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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