Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
