Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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