Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
