Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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