A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
