I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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