dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
