Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
