I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
