I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
