I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
