Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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