Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
