I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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