oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
