Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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