Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
